Silly names

Some of us were christened with saints' names, often a middle name we are not fond of. There has been many a schoolboy with the middle name of 'Aloysius', 'Francis', 'Chrysostom' or 'Chrysologus' that he doesn't care to tell the world about. I have a friend whose son chose the name 'Athanasius' for confirmation. It was the fashion, for some, to add this name to their other christian names, and surname, hence: Theodore Michael Athanasius Somebody. Now, some are not enthused with 'Francis', but there are boys named 'Francis Xavier'. When we see the name Francis X. Bushman, or Francis X. _____, there is no other candidate for 'X'. Then, there is the unintentional humor one finds after the fact. Peter and Ignatius are fine, fine, distinguished names; but when his schoolmates find out that Petey's middle name is 'Ignatius', the boy has to live with 'Piggy'.

Well, those are catholic conundrums. Waspish ones are different. Many of us, who have noticeably non-english names have been told how odd sounding they are. No, they are not odd in the language context which they sprung. At some time, the wasps in this country thought what? they were aristocrats? They gave the mother's surname as a first, or second name to the child; seemingly the male child. The resulting conglomerations sound as law firms, 'Parker Willingham Throckmorton'. No, that is an odd name, not Miroslav Stojanovič. There is a current fashion, or has been, for there are many girls in their 20s, and 30s to have first names as 'Parker', 'Madison', 'Tyler', et cetera. I will not go in detail about what black women name their children, if you know, you know. The french, and the danes [amongst others] have laws concerning child naming to stop such absurdities.

The best creator, or compiler, of odd names is Charles Dickens. 'Ebenezer Scrooge', in the KJV Bible (I Sam. vii. 12), 'Stone of help' [Lapis adjutórii] retains an hebraic form as 'Ebenezer'. The more protestant of the english, for a time, scoured the Old Testament for such names. 'Lord Scroop' shows up in Shakespeare's [that is a funny name, as is Dickens] 'Henry V', Henry Scrope, who did exist, and was executed by Henry V. If the english had Scrope, Scrooge is not far travel; Dickens doesn't stop there: Peg Sliderskew, Chevy Slyme, Augustus Snodgrass, Spottletoe, Snagsby, Paul Sweedlepipe, Phil Squod.

At a presidential convention, Jimmy Carter introduced Hubert Horatio Humphrey, Junior as 'Hubert Horatio Hornblower'. I remember laughing. Only Li'l Abner's founder of Dogpatch, Confederate General Jubilation T. Cornpone, is better.

Hinman B. Hurlbut (what could the 'B' be?)

In Cleveland, there is the name 'Thwing', come on say it, stretch it out...let it snap. It is the student centre at Case Western Reserve U. Now, Thwing is a town in the Yorkshire wolds from the time of the Danelaw. In the 19th century Hinman B. Hurlbut owned four banks in Ohio, and a railroad. He, along with others, bequeathed to build an Art Museum for Cleveland. One can walk a staircase [if it is not cordoned off because of construction] and see such names, plus a passel of millionaires from early Standard Oil. I think Dickens *1812, 1870†, was out dickensed, or out hurlbutted, by the parents of Hinman B. Hurlbut *1819, 1884†.